The Cooler King meets the Muscles from Brussels.

Heard any really awful movie news lately? How ’bout this gem – Jean Claude Van Damme will be starring in a remake of The Great Escape. That’s flat-out egregious, even worse than Keanu as John Constantine. The Great Escape does NOT need to be remade, but if you’re going to do it anyway, the cast should look something like the one assembled for The Thin Red Line. And there should be no – I repeat no – Van Damage anywhere near the freaking picture. If they have Van Damme jumping the fences on his motorcycle, I expect the ghost of Steve McQueen will haunt him until the end of his days.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee do.

Tim Burton is tapped for the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake. I’m not sure if a remake is really necessary, but, if you’re going to do one, I suppose Burton is the man to helm it. And in other directing news, Darren “Requiem for a Dream” Aronofsky wil be helming Lone Wolf and Cub. Does this mean Batman: Year One is dead?