Sidekicks / Top Dog.

“You don’t snuggle Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris snuggles you. Hard. Like a superhero. If superheros liked snuggles (which they do, but only Chuck Norris is man enough to admit it). Chuck Norris’ foster mom once threw a tennis ball for him, and he brought back three tennis balls. Chuck Norris eats raw hides made from velociraptors in his spare time.”

The world’s coolest hound (and no, I’m not talking about any old affenpinscher) is not on the market. But if you’re looking for a canine companion, you could probably do worse than Chuck Norris. “Chuck Norris understands and approves of occasionally hanging out in a crate to protect the rest of the world from the power of his amazing…Chuck Norris invented the army crawl. Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.”