I love this game, I hate this team.

So the NBA Finals are finally set, and it’s Detroit v. LA. I ended up doing decently well in my pre-playoff picks: I got the East champion right, and I think I would’ve gotten the West too if not for Sam Cassell’s injury. At any rate, I loathe the Lake Show, and particularly in its current incarnation, so I’m hoping against hope that these Pistons pull it out. With that in mind, (gulp) Pistons in seven…I guess we’ll see on Sunday.

I Love this Game 2004.

So it’s that time of year again, the NBA playoffs…which it means it’s time to post my consistently wrong postseason predictions. [2000/2001/2002/2003] I generally do ok in the East, but I’ve had Sacramento in the Finals three years running and I think I’ve finally soured on them (which is probably good news for Kings fans). At any rate…

THE EAST

Indiana Pacers (1) v. Boston Celtics (8): A rematch of one of last year’s first-round surprises, this series will be a rout. The Pacers are a better team this year and they now have a real coach in Rick Carlisle. (Thankfully for the Knicks, Isiah is a much better front office guy than he is a game-time decision-maker.) Conversely, the Celtics are much worse — They’ve lost all of their key role players (Battie, Kenny A, etc.) and picked up the only guy in the league with worse shot selection than ‘Toine, Ricky Davis. Unless Boston is on fire from behind the arc (like they were last year), this one’ll be ugly. Pacers in Five.

New Jersey Nets (2) v. New York Knicks (7): Ok, I’m picking the Knicks here ’cause my heart tells me to. I know they got run off the floor two weeks ago by a Nets team that didn’t have Kidd and K-Mart. I know that Allan Houston is sidelined and that the Knicks O can’t compete with New Jersey’s fast break onslaught. And I know the Nets are basically just a better team. I will say this, though — there’ll be at least one game in this series where Marbury totally outplays Jason Kidd. So, like I said, New York in Seven.

Detroit Pistons (3) v. Milwaukee Bucks (6): With Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace manning the paint, Detroit are the defensive Beasts of the East. And with TJ Ford injured and Keith Van Horn ever suspect, this one’ll be a walk for the Pistons. The only way to beat a D-structured team like Detroit is sheer offensive firepower, and the Bucks don’t have it, unless Van Horn puts up career numbers. Detroit in Six.

Miami Heat (4) v. New Orleans Hornets (5): Miami’s been playing amazing ball since the All-Star Break. N’awlins has been sucking it up. And, in playoff situations, it takes something special for me to bet against one of the Van Gundy boys. Miami in Seven.

THE WEST

Minnesota Timberwolves (1) v. Denver Nuggets (8): KG, Cassell, Spree…I’m loving this Minnesota squad. Garnett has a tendency to be too selfless with the ball in pressure-cooker playoff situations, but Cassell and Latrell should right the ship, particularly against Carmelo, Camby, & Co. Minnesota, welcome to the second round. Minnesota in Six.

Los Angeles Lakers (2) v. Houston Rockets (7): I’d love to see Jeff Van Gundy’s Rockets systematically dismantle the top-heavy, prima donna Lakers. I’d love to see Yao outplay Shaq and Stevie Franchise go nuts in this series. I’d love to see Kobe the inveterate ballhog shoot them out of the series. I’d love to see Gary Payton get sick of this outfit and move to another contender. But, unfortunately, none of this is going to happen. Lakers in Six.

San Antonio Spurs (3) v. Memphis Grizzlies (6): The Memphis Grizzlies? I’ve only seen Hubie Brown’s boys play once or twice, and they’ve never looked as dominant as the Spurs can at times. And, while the Grizz are 3-1 on San Antonio, I have to give the edge to my second least favorite contender. Unless Gasol comes up big, it’ll be the Duncan & Ginobli show. Spurs in Five.

Sacramento Kings (4) v. Dallas Mavericks (5): Hard to believe this match-up is coming in the first round. The Kings have been playing pretty badly lately, but then again, so has Dallas. I don’t think the Mavs would’ve won this series last year without the injury to C-Webb, so I’ll go Sacramento. Still, which Kings team will show up? If they’re clicking, they could win in five…but more likely it’ll be Sacramento in Seven.

THE REST

Indiana Pacers (1) v. Miami Heat (4): Other than the Knicks, which I admit was a goofy pick, I didn’t take any upsets in the First Round. And it won’t happen here…Indiana is a team on a mission, and they’ll at least make it to the Eastern Finals. Indiana in Six.

New York Knicks (7) v. Detroit Pistons (3): Ok, so we’re at a crossroads here. Do I venture into Bracket fantasyland and have the Knicks going all the way? Or do I admit my first pick was suspect and choose Detroit? I’m with the people who think the Pistons, with their plodding O and tight D, would’ve been a better match-up for New York in the first round than New Jersey, who just kill you with offensive numbers. Still, if the Knicks get this far without Allan Houston, they’ve overachieved. Detroit in Seven.

Minnesota Timberwolves (1) v. Sacramento Kings (4): These are the two teams I wanted to see in the Western Finals. Unfortunately, due to the Kings freefall, it has to happen now. The Kings have more playoff experience, but the T-Wolves have been playing much better ball. And I want to see Spree in the Finals again. Minnesota in Seven.

Los Angeles Lakers (2) v. San Antonio Spurs (3): Boo hiss. I’m sick to death of both of these teams. But, since the Spurs seem to have the Lakers’ number of late, I’ll go with San Antonio. Spurs in Six.

EAST FINALS: Indiana Pacers (1) v. Detroit Pistons (3): It’s the match-up everyone in the East has been waiting for, and I would’ve picked Indiana until watching ’em go head-to-head two weeks ago. Now, I’ll say ‘Sheed makes the difference and it’s Detroit in Seven.

WEST FINALS: Minnesota Timberwolves (1) v. San Antonio Spurs (3): The Spurs definitely have more experience and the big game edge. But they’re lousy free-throw shooters, and the T-Wolves backcourt are savvy veterans. Oh, why not? Minnesota in Seven.

FINALS: Minnesota Timberwolves (1) v. Detroit Pistons (3): Detroit finally confronts a team who can score more points than they can possibly stop. The only Eastern squad who can legitimately run against the Best of the West is Indiana, and that’s on a good day. KG, you’re the MVP…enjoy the ring. Minnesota in Six.

So there you have it. Of course, I’ll be delirious if the Knicks win, but I’d be very happy to see Minnesota, Sacramento, or any Eastern team take the championship too. The point is, anyone but the Lakers or Spurs. Please?

It’s the Tipoff.

Finally, the NBA season is here. (The Knicks start tonight against Orlando, but frankly I’ve got no illusions about this squad – it’s clear the Knicks’ idiot management chose them for their “character” rather than for their basketball skills.) I must say, I was hoping the recent Shaq-Kobe feud would mean the beginning of a full-on Lakers collapse this season…but, alas, the Mailman and the Glove looked dominant last night against Dallas. Although I thought one of ’em might end up being a locker room cancer, it looks for now like Payton and Malone will instead be a stabilizing force at the Staples Center, despite whatever develops between the big fella and the possible felon.

October Surprise.

Congrats to the Red Sox on their comeback win over the Chokeland A’s last night (and to the Cubs for breaking their 95-year losing streak the night previously.) As y’all know, I don’t normally talk baseball in this space, but Sox-Yankees is one of the classic rivalries in sports. And just in case anyone got the wrong idea from my love for the Knicks, I think Yankee fans are Laker fans are 90’s Cowboys fans are Jordan-era Bulls fans are Man. U fans…i.e, some of the most aggravating, bandwagon-jumping, fair-weather-only hordes in all of sportsdom. Go BoSox all the way. Update: Speaking of the Lake Show, Phil Jackson hints at signing Jordan to replace Kobe for the duration of his trial. Ugh…how bad would that be?

Pressure Defense.

When I hear that a professional athlete is being charged with rape, my first thought isn’t that he’s the victim. Nor do I immediately envision some sort of vexing vixen preying on poor unsuspecting millionaire athletes in a hotel lobby. No, my first thought is to fear that a horrible crime has occurred … and to hope that I’m wrong. And, yes, that’s my first thought no matter how well I ‘know’ the athlete — whether that athlete is a ‘thug’ like (fill-in-the-blank with your NBA bad boy of choice), or a ‘solid citizen’ like Ray Allen or Kobe Bryant.” I haven’t said much about the Kobe case around here, and that’ll probably continue — It looks like it’s already degenerating into an ugly he-said-she-said type of case, with Kobe’s lawyers trying their damnedest to destroy the accuser’s credibility. I will say this, though: I agree with this column about the borderline-misogynist way sportscasters have been covering the case so far, and, legal presumption of innocence aside, I for one do think he’s guilty. In his scripted television denial, Kobe couldn’t even look at the camera (or at anybody but down) when he twice proclaimed his innocence. This is not the body language of an innocent man.

Hired Guns.

Free agent signing began in the NBA today, and it’s already dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. As per usual, talented ballers are fleeing en masse from the Clippers, with Elton Brand signing in Miami, Corey Maggette going for Utah, and Andre Miller heading for Denver. (The Clips can possibly stave off the defection by matching the new contracts.) Elsewhere, Juwan went to Orlando, Nesterovic to San Antonio, and Kandi Man to the Wolves. (So far, as New Yorkers feared, the Knicks haven’t picked up anybody.) And, of course, the Mailman and the Glove’s Faustian bargain with the Lake Show has now been signed, sealed, and delivered…

Return to Sender.

The veiling shadow that glowers in the West takes shape. There is a union now between the Two All-Stars, Payton and Malone. I love the Glove, but, for the League’s sake, at this point I have to hope that one of these two mercenaries turns out to be a locker-room cancer. And, while I’m on the subject of the Lake Show, perhaps I should be glad that the media has taken innocent-until-proven-guilty to heart. Nevertheless, I find it somewhat troubling how the press has circled the wagons around Kobe before all the facts get out. These are the same writers who jump all over Sprewell, Kidd, and/or Iverson, to take just three examples, whenever the rumor mill starts a-churning. What’s good for the gangsta is good for the golden boy.

Round 2.

Per Saturday’s post, here’s some revised NBA picks in wake of Indiana and Portland not living up to expectations (Spurs v. Lakers and Pistons v. Sixers remain as before – LA and Philly in 6 apiece…Chauncey Billups may have filled out the remainder of Troy Hudson’s Kurt Warner-like contract with the devil in Games 6 and 7 against Orlando, but AI will still eat him alive.)

Sacramento v. Dallas: Dallas may have saved Nelly’s job with their fourth quarter showing in Game 7 on Sunday, but the Blazers still exposed them as soft and suspect. The Kings have trouble closing teams out, so I’ll give Dallas two wins…but that’s generous. Sacramento in six.

Boston v. New Jersey: I have to admit, Paul Pierce was much more dominant in the Indiana series than I thought he’d be – usually he has a tendency to disappear in games. But, as with the Kings, I’ll stick with my original pick and take the Nets. Sooner or later, the threeball offense will collapse on you. New Jersey in six.