The Haddocks go Thompson.

In honor of the character’s 80th birthday (or 560th, if we’re talking about Snowy), fans and future trilogy directors Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson brandish Thompson hats and umbrellas while talking Tintin. Now that Zack Snyder’s Watchmen has come and gone, I suppose it’s Tintin that’s the next “I can’t believe they’re really making a big-budget film version of this” beloved property of my youth. (Which probably means that, sometime around my 40th birthday, David Fincher’s Mr. Men will be hitting the multiplexes as well.)

Coens Cold to Clean Coal.

Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man: By way of a high school chum, the Coen Brothers try their hand at muckraking in a new spot against “clean” coal. “The Reality Coalition promises a whole series of Coen brothers ads — which were actually designed and produced by Crispin Porter + Bogusky, the Boulder, Colo., agency behind the “Truth” anti-tobacco campaign.” Have fun, guys, but please don’t quit your day jobs.

A Dark Hour for Lincoln.

“A source close to Spielberg says the director is busy with his next film, Tintin, and is not wringing his hands over Paramount’s decision. But another source associated with the project, asked about the process, said, ‘I think it’s called water-boarding.'” Will Steven Spielberg’s longgestating Lincoln biopic (with Liam Neeson and Sally Field as the president and first lady respectively) become a victim of the downfall of Dreamworks? “This past weekend, he’s been waiting for executives at Paramount–the studio he ditched last year–to decide whether to make the film and hire him to direct it.

Well, the dubious merits of Amistad notwithstanding, I can think of a couple dozen other movie projects I’d like to see the plug pulled on before this one.

Tricks in the Trades.

A good bit of interesting news on the movie development front of late: Presumably given carte blanche from WB (provided he brings home another Batman in 2011 or 2012), Christopher Nolan announces his next project will be Inception, a self-penned story “‘described as ‘a contemporary sci-fi actioner set within the architecture of the mind.’” So, Minority Report meets Memento? I’ll go.

In other news, David Cronenberg looks to go Bourne with The Matarese Circle, starring Denzel Washington and Tom Cruise as rival spies up against the same sinister conspiracy. The industrious Woody Allen has locked down the stars for his next (post-Larry David) project in Anthony Hopkins and Josh Brolin. (No other details forthcoming.) And, over on his other next film, Brolin has found a worthy antagonist for his Jonah Hex in none other than John Malkovich. “Malkovich will play Turnbull, a wealthy Southern plantation owner whose son is killed by Union soldiers during the Civil War. He blames Hex, a former confederate soldier-turned-hardened bounty hunter and gunslinger.” Ah, movies. They just keep making more!

Luhrmann Hatches an (East) Egg.

“I thought of Gatsby‘s wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy’s dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.”

Defiant and almost combative about the cinematic merits of Australia (“A lot of the film scientists don’t get it“), director Baz Luhrmann announces he’s moving right ahead on a new film version of The Great Gatsby. “If you wanted to show a mirror to people that says, ‘You’ve been drunk on money,’ they’re not going to want to see it. But if you reflected that mirror on another time they’d be willing to…People will need an explanation of where we are and where we’ve been, and ‘The Great Gatsby’ can provide that explanation.‘”

Do Not Collect $200 Million.

A bold, uncompromising vision of the not-too-distant future, a stark expose of the greed and corruption that ignited the credit collapse…or a weird cash-in by a director looking to pay some bills? Word is Ridley Scott will direct Monopoly for Warner Brothers, based on the ever-popular, family-destroying board game, “with an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic ‘Blade Runner.” (It’s unclear as of yet what this does to Joe Haldeman’s Forever War.) Um…ok.

By the way, for a solid laugh or three, check out the AICN feed about the news, where wry movie people are having good fun eviscerating the project, and imagining its competitors. I particularly liked “M. Night Shyamalan’s BALDERDASH — You’ll never guess what happens!” and “David Cronenerg’s DON’T BREAK THE ICE, with Christopher Walken. In 2011, the ice…is gonna break!” (Although, as someone else noted, “Mr. Potato Head” is definitely a better Cronenberg fit.)

Blade Gunner. | Resting the Thumbs.

‘I first pursued “Forever War” 25 years ago, and the book has only grown more timely and relevant since,’ Scott told the trade. ‘It’s a science-fiction epic, a bit of ‘The Odyssey’ by way of ‘Blade Runner,’ built upon a brilliant, disorienting premise.’” Joe Haldeman’s science fiction classic The Forever War, the tale of a military grunt who — thanks to the vagaries of relativity — keeps returning to the homefront decades-to-centuries after he left for his last cosmic tour-of-duty, finds an established genre film director in Ridley Scott, who will presumably take it up after Nottingham, his Robin Hood re-think with Russell Crowe.

Which reminds me: Scott and Crowe’s recent Body of Lies is one of the many movies out of late — along with Choke, Miracle at St. Anna, Blindness, Eagle Eye, Appaloosa, Flash of Genius, and Traitor — that I’d normally go see and review…if any of ’em could actually manage to break a lowly 65 on Metacritic. As it is, I’ve been dissuaded thus far this fall by the bad word-of-mouth attending all of these films, coupled with the psychic distance of actually having to drive to get to the nearest multiplex these days. (Besides Roti Rolls, the easy-access movie culture is arguably what I miss most about NYC.) At any rate, right now it’s looking like the 2008 end-of-year movie list might well be a short one.

He said, “Boys, forget the whale.”

“‘Our vision isn’t your grandfather’s “Moby Dick,”‘ Cooper said. ‘This is an opportunity to take a timeless classic and capitalize on the advances in visual effects to tell what at its core is an action-adventure revenge story.” Breaking news from the Department of Bad Ideas: Universal has signed Timur Bekmambetov of Night Watch and Wanted to “reimagine” Moby Dick for the 21st century. I guess I may be sorta looking forward to the POV angry-whale-cam.

The Once and Future King?

“It is the most challenging film I’ve ever made.” The Hollywood Reporter checks in with James Cameron on the status of Avatar, and the future of 3D. “‘The real question is ‘where does all this go?’ Cameron said. ‘Are we looking at a situation maybe 10-15 years out where most laptops are sold with 3-D stereoscopic screens, most montors are stereo compatible, most DVD players can run stereo content?…I can see this becoming much more pervasive that we are thinking now.’