If you’ll be my bodyguard, I’ll be your long lost pal.

“‘Everybody at the White House…all think he needs to go, but the president doesn’t,’ said a Republican who consulted the Bush team yesterday. Another White House ally said Bush and Gonzales are ignoring reality: ‘They’re the only two people on the planet Earth who don’t see it.’” True to form, Dubya responds to Alberto Gonzales’ flameout on Thursday by declaring he has “full confidence” in the Attorney General and calling his service “fantastic.” (Fantastic? Really? Do you mean that in the “fanciful” sense, perhaps?) In light of this bizarre news, Dahlia Lithwick reevaluates Gonzales’ testimony, arguing that what came across to us in the reality-based community as evasive, misleading, or just plain stammering seemed to Dubya a solid defense of the unitary executive theory. The really scary thing is, she’s probably right.

Far Away, His Well-Lit Door.

“It was handled incompetently. The communication was atrocious. You ought to suffer the consequences that these others have suffered, and I believe that the best way to put this behind us is your resignation.” Despite having had weeks to prepare, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has a terrible, no-good, very bad day on the Hill, one that results in even ultraconservative Tom Coburn (R-OK) demanding his dismissal. [Transcript: I, II, III.] I only got to hear twenty minutes or so of the hearings today (Feingold-Sessions-Schumer) while in a cab heading downtown, and Gonzales sounded absolutely terrible: He was at turns combative, befuddled, and amnesic. And when even a White House shill like Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) is giving you a hard time and telling you “your ability to lead the Department of Justice is in question,” it seems pretty clear the jig is just about up.

Oops, We Did It Again.

“‘You can’t erase e-mails, not today,’ Leahy said in an angry speech on the Senate floor. “They’ve gone through too many servers. Those e-mails are there — they just don’t want to produce them. It’s like the infamous 18-minute gap in the Nixon White House tapes.‘” Breaking last Friday: Just as the persecuted prosecutors case boils to a head, four years of Karl Rove’s e-mail go conveniently missing from the RNC archives. And, also developing on the prosecutorial front, another subpoenaed Justice official, Michael Battle, has contradicted Gonzales’ earlier professions of ignorance on the subject, setting up the Attorney General for a raucous time during his hearings tomorrow: “Gonzales…has been preparing for a pivotal appearance on Tuesday before the committee, including mock testimony sessions lasting up to five hours a day, officials said. Better get that story straight, Al.

Bring me the head of Alberto Gonzales.

As Dubya bequeaths another “heck of a job” upon his embattled attorney general, it comes to light that Alberto Gonzales apparently lied about his conducting meetings concerning the firing of federal prosecutors. Said Sen. Chuck Schumer of the revelations: “If the facts bear out that Attorney General Gonzales knew much more about the plan than he has previously admitted, then he can no longer serve as attorney general.Update: “He has said some things that just don’t add up.Republican Senators start to pile on, among them Hagel, Graham, and Specter.

Nuclear Subpoenas?

The plot thickens: A battle over executive privilege looms as the Senate handily rejects Dubya’s attempt to evade subpoenas for Karl Rove, Harriet Miers, and other administration officials in the persecuted prosecutors dispute. “‘The only thing they would accept is if the Senate did exactly what they told them to, which would be closed-door, limited number of people, limited agenda, no oath and no transcript, so nobody knows exactly what happened,’ Leahy said. ‘So there’s really nothing to look for for a compromise, because that is not acceptable to me.’” For their part, Spineless Specter advocated a capitulation to Dubya, as per the norm, while Republican Charles Grassley supported the Senate’s use of the subpoena power.

Gone-zales?

Fitz’s revenge? Broiling considerably while I was on my annual March Madness vacation, the case of the persecuted prosecutors now looks, at the very least, like it may result in Alberto Gonzales’ downfall (despite Dubya’s continued huzzahs), what with new e-mail trails coming to light, more congressional subpoenas on the way, and Dubya consigliere Karl Rove tied ever closer to the scandal. Congressional oversight is a beast, eh, guys?

Heck of a Job, Al (and Karl).

With even Republicans such as Senator John Sununu now calling for his firing as a result of the furor over persecuted prosecutors, embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales gets the usual heck-of-a-job from Dubya: “I’ve heard those allegations about political decision-making — it’s just not true…What Al did, and what the Justice Department did, was appropriate.” Meanwhile, side-stepping Gonzales’ misdeeds, Salon‘s Sidney Blumental sees the hand of Karl Rove at work in the firings.

Gonzales: Our Bad.

With even the Republicans on the Senate Judiciary close to revolt over the issue of the persecuted prosecutors, the Dubya White House and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales are forced into an uncharacteristic retreat. “Gonzales…will no longer oppose legislation limiting the attorney general’s power to appoint interim prosecutors. Gonzales also agreed to allow the committee to interview five top-level Justice Department officials as part of an ongoing Democratic-led probe into the firings.

The Case of the Persecuted Prosecutors.

“‘I’ve always been trained that loyalty is a two-way street,’ Iglesias answered. ‘I started thinking: Why am I protecting these people who not only did me wrong but did wrong to the system for appointing U.S. attorneys?’” The House and Senate Judiciary Committees listen to testimony from eight former U.S. attorneys concerning what appears to be an epidemic of illegal GOP arm-twisting. “The [Justice] department has also acknowledged that Cummins, the Little Rock prosecutor, was asked to resign solely to provide a job for a former aide to presidential adviser Karl Rove.”

Armtwisting for $$$.

So that’s how Dubya raised so much loot. According to a front page story in tomorrow’s Post, at least six GOP Attorneys General apparently used their clout to extort campaign contributions from corporations under their thumb. Looks like the Republicans learned a thing or two from Tammany Hall…this behavior reeks of bossism.