Category: GOP

…and Splines.

“Now, would the 111th Fighter Interceptor Squadron have extravagantly purchased typewriters that contained the th superscript key? Would the military want or require typewriters with the ‘th’, ‘nd’, and ‘rd’ characters? Hmm. Ponder, Ponder. What would the 111th need with a th character… I’ll leave that to the enterprising among you to deduce.” So, as expected, the Bushies are pushing back hard on the 60 Minutes memos, and seem to have successfully managed shifting this news cycle from Dubya’s whereabouts to questions of possible forgery. Well, first off, The Daily Kos (quoted above) has written up a pretty good blow-by-blow explaining how all this new wrangling over font-technology adds up to less than its seems.

Regarding the documents’ authenticity, I think it’s entirely possible that somebody tried to “frame a guilty man” here, particularly given the depths to which we’ve already seen the Swift Boaters stoop. But, for now, I’m still thinking the docs are legitimate, as (a) CBS is strongly standing by them, and have a corroborative witness in Maj. Gen Bobby Hodges, Col. Killian’s (Republican) commanding officer, (b) unlike the Swift Boat allegations, they conform to what we already knew and to other information in the public record, and (c) Dubya’s White House, who knows the full story, certainly didn’t act like these could be fake documents when the story broke. At any rate, remove these Killian memos from the picture and the original question still stands: Where was Dubya, and why did he skip out on a required medical exam? Update: Experts in today’s Boston Globe back up the authenticity of the documents, including one examiner, Philip Bouffard, who had earlier suggested doubts to the NY Times.

Swifting the Savior.

“‘Do not resist one who is evil, but if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other.’ CAN WE TRUST JESUS TO FIGHT THE WAR ON TERROR?” Via Mad Magazine and Eschaton, If Dubya was running against Jesus. Y’know, this is just the type of tax-and-spend fringe-lefty liberalism we’ve come to expect from hippy-dippy longhairs like Christ.

Coalition of the Disgusted.

Aside from the Philippines, Nigeria, and Poland, the world wants John Kerry by a landslide. Undecided voters out there, you know how you can “Ask the Audience” on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire when you’re stumped? Consider it like that.

To Steal Votes for Dubya, press 1.

“The system’s key vulnerability is that county election workers or others with access to the machines could type in a two-digit code and create a second set of results that would then be forwarded to the state as the county’s official tally, said Bev Harris, one of the activists who filed the case.” The State of California joins a lawsuit against Diebold Election Systems, the voting machine maker whose chief executive declared in 2003 that he is “committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year.” Now, doesn’t that seem like a strange Easter Egg to include in your voting machine? Between this and the Omega-DoD fiasco, the GOP endgame is starting to sound shady.

Will you protect this House?

While the Senate (led by Senators Lieberman, McCain, Bayh, and Specter) has crafted a bipartisan security bill that encompasses all of the 9/11 commission’s suggestions, Tom DeLay and the House GOP are, as per usual, off the reservation. “DeLay said the House will rely largely on its own expertise and insights, adding that ‘we have plenty of experts on our committees.’” Well, what was the point of having a commission, then? And, I don’t care how big the roaches are in Sugarland, Texas, Tom. Your “expertise” as a bug exterminator just isn’t going to cut it.

Finding a Groove.

“‘It is outrageous and shameful to make the war on terror an instrument of their politics,’ Kerry said. ‘I defended this country when I was a young man, and they chose not to. And I will defend this country as president of the United States.'” John Kerry pushes back hard at Cheney for his indefensible remarks on Tuesday. Whatsmore, Kerry has keyed in on a way to concisely tie together two of Dubya’s most grievous sins. To wit: “George W. Bush’s wrong choices have led America in the wrong direction in Iraq and left America without the resources we need here at home.” Simple, eloquent, and effective.

Swift Boat Vets for Diesel.

As November 2 nears, the rhetoric and name-calling continues to heat up between these two increasingly irate contenders, particularly on the controversial questions surrounding their past records of service. I am, of course referring to Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant. “Even with wings you never as fly as me … you remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me … but you can’t … even if you get me traded … wherever I’m at, I’m Puffy; you Mase and you’re still hated” contests the recently-slimmed down Shaq on his new (and, um, probably not-so-good) hip-hop CD. In a related story, Vice-President Cheney declared today that, if you root for the Miami Heat, the terrorists will kill you.

Get your Gun On.

It seems that, for the Republicans, nothing says Homeland Security quite like easy access to assault weapons. “I think the will of the American people is consistent with letting it expire, so it will expire,” notes GOP Senate Majority Leader Bill “Catkiller” Frist of the decade-old assault weapons ban set to end on Monday, despite the fact that 68% of Americans (and 74% of voters, in a separate poll) want to see it renewed. On the House side, perennial GOP freakshow Tom DeLay “dismissed the ban as ‘a feel-good piece of legislation’ and said flatly that it would expire Monday, even if Mr. Bush made an effort to renew it. ‘If the president asked me, it would still be no,’ Mr. DeLay said.” Don’t worry. I doubt he’ll ask ya, although the electorate just might come November.

You’re So Grounded.


Based on new information unveiled during last night’s 60 Minutes II, the big papers delve further into Dubya’s AWOL shenanigans. Apparently, not only was Dubya suspended from flying due to his missed physical (which we already knew), but he blatantly ignored a direct order from his commanding officer (Col. Jerry Killian, now deceased) to report for a medical examination. (Killian complained in a private letter, heretofore unreleased, that Dubya was “talking to someone upstairs” to get out of it.) Nor, as the Boston Globe noted yesterday, was Dubya — pictured at right wearing a ribbon he apparently never earned — ever called to active duty or otherwise punished for this insubordination, or for any of his later lapses (such as not showing up for reserve duty in either Alabama or Massachusetts, as ordered.) “‘It appears that no one wanted to hold him accountable,’ said retired Major General Paul A. Weaver Jr., who retired in 2002 as the Pentagon’s director of the Air National Guard.” Yeah, what else is new?

Meanwhile, on the drug front, Sharon Bush is now trying to back away from her comments to Kitty Kelley on Dubya’s alleged cocaine binging at Camp David. But, Doubleday is standing by the charge – in fact, they’ve got written notes and two witnesses (Kelley and her publisher) to verify Bush’s original statement. Good for them…I would think Doubleday has planned very carefully for exactly this sort of thing prior to going public with any allegations from The Family.

Now, with the further details about Dubya’s disappearance and the extent of his alleged coke habit each gaining notoriety in separate news channels, how much longer will it take before the major media outlets are forced to comment on the obvious drug test angle connecting the two threads? One has to wonder if the GOP strategy gurus are starting to rethink their not-so-Swift-Boat decision to put Vietnam in play.