Month: September 2004

More Bad News.

Punctuating a frustrating week for Democrats, Bill Clinton suffers chest discomfort and may need quintuple-bypass surgery as early as tomorrow. Get well soon, Mr. President, and best wishes on a speedy recovery. (Clinton’s diet, exercise level, and family history notwithstanding, to my mind the Zellout now has even more to answer for.) Update: The operation was apparently a success, although Clinton will probably not recover fast enough to hit the road before Election Day. Get your rest, Mr. President — we need you for the long haul.

Dubya Distilled.

Well, with talk of deregulation, privatizing Social Security, tax code “simplification”, anti-gay and pro-life rhetoric, “Hollywood value” and “activist judge” hectoring…all punctuated by that off-putting and consistently out-of-place chimp smirk, you can’t say Dubya didn’t warn us about his plans for a ultra-conservative second term last night. (And for a man who was heroic enough to stop circling Nebraska and venture down to Ground Zero three long days after 9/11, he seemed amazingly ready to bolt-and-run at the sign of one measly protestor.)

Not much was said about Dubya’s first four years in office, of course, aside from 9/11 (9/11, 9/11) and the usual conflation of Al Qaeda and Saddam. But, really, what can he say? Deficits through the roof, the worst jobs record since Herbert Hoover, 1000 men and women dead in a needless diversion of a war…His administration has been an embarrassment of historic proportions. And it is time for him to go. (Dubya video via I’m Just Sayin’.)

Fact-Checking Time.

As the dust settles from the GOP convention and Tom DeLay emerges from hiding, the truth starts coming back to light. Naturally, Dubya’s speech had serious problems with reality and the GOP severely distorted Kerry’s voting record. Obviously, Cheney and the Zellout were full of it. More surprisingly, however, Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently doesn’t know Austria from a hole in the ground.

Fortunate Son.

“‘The impression I had was that Georgie was raising a lot of hell in Houston, getting in trouble and embarrassing the family, and they just really wanted to get him out of Houston and under Jimmy’s wing,’” A widow of a Texas political operative remembers young Dubya. “Allison remembers encountering George W. Bush in the parking lot, urinating on a car, and hearing later about how he’d yelled obscenities at police officers that night. Bush left a house he’d rented in Montgomery trashed — the furniture broken, walls damaged and a chandelier destroyed, the Birmingham News reported in February. ‘He was just a rich kid who had no respect for other people’s possessions,’ Mary Smith, a member of the family who rented the house, told the newspaper, adding that a bill sent to Bush for repairs was never paid.” Yep, he’s presidential caliber.

Nickel and Dimed.

By way of a friend of mine in the program, the NY Post has discovered that apparently the GOP delegates are terrible tippers. “‘I wouldn’t call them bad tippers — I’d call them non-tippers!,’ said Thomas Potesak, a concierge at the Sheraton Manhattan…’It’s like they’re completely unfamiliar with the concept of tipping.’…Abraham Bolzman of the New York Hilton was also perplexed…’They’re always saying ‘God bless you.’ I guess I’m used to something more tangible.'”

Immigrant Song.

“If you believe that government should be accountable to the people, not the people to the government, then you are a Republican.” If you believe that rich people deserve tax breaks while the middle-class struggle harder and the poor send their kids to war, then you are a Republican. If you believe that cutting First Responder, Homeland Security, and Nunn-Lugar funding, lying bald-faced to our allies before the UN, letting Osama Bin Laden disappear into the caverns of Afghanistan, and contriving a casus belli to start a war in Iraq that has further alienated the moderate Muslim world is sound anti-terror strategy, then you are a Republican. If you believe an extramarital blow job is an impeachable offense, but dissembling to the American people about war is hunky-dory, then you are a Republican. If you believe God loves you, but He hates gays, liberals, and foreigners, then you are a Republican. If you’re an immigrant bodybuilder who made it to the top of his field through hard work, discipline, and the judicious application of enough steroids to kill a small horse, then you are a Republican. And if you’re a serial groper who was befuddled enough to think Nixon was a good idea in 1968 and who somehow earnestly believes that the GOP hasn’t moved much further right since the days of Tricky Dick, then you are Arnold Schwarzenegger.