Swift Boat Vets for Diesel.

As November 2 nears, the rhetoric and name-calling continues to heat up between these two increasingly irate contenders, particularly on the controversial questions surrounding their past records of service. I am, of course referring to Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant. “Even with wings you never as fly as me … you remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me … but you can’t … even if you get me traded … wherever I’m at, I’m Puffy; you Mase and you’re still hated” contests the recently-slimmed down Shaq on his new (and, um, probably not-so-good) hip-hop CD. In a related story, Vice-President Cheney declared today that, if you root for the Miami Heat, the terrorists will kill you.