Now We’ve Done It.

Don’t say we weren’t warned: In the wake of the historic particle smashing by the LHC earlier this week, strange and potentially life-threatening anomalies have been reported all around the world, and they’re increasing in both magnitude and frequency. “Dr. Isadora Chin, a spokeswoman for the SCP Foundation, said that several of the anomalies had been granted ‘Euclid’ and even ‘Keter’ status, the designation for life-threatening manifestations of unusual size or behavior…Several have already been relocated to an observation facility in Black Mesa, New Mexico, she said.“

(Maybe Black Mesa? That was a joke, ha ha, fat chance.) Y’know, to be honest, I blame the time travelers from the future who should’ve come back and prevented these catastrophic rips in the fabric of space-time. Bang up job, you effing slackers.