Immigrant Song.
"If you believe that government should be accountable to the people, not the people to the government, then you are a Republican." If you believe that rich people deserve tax breaks while the middle-class struggle harder and the poor send their kids to war, then you are a Republican. If you believe that cutting First Responder, Homeland Security, and Nunn-Lugar funding, lying bald-faced to our allies before the UN, letting Osama Bin Laden disappear into the caverns of Afghanistan, and contriving a casus belli to start a war in Iraq that has further alienated the moderate Muslim world is sound anti-terror strategy, then you are a Republican. If you believe an extramarital blow job is an impeachable offense, but dissembling to the American people about war is hunky-dory, then you are a Republican. If you believe God loves you, but He hates gays, liberals, and foreigners, then you are a Republican. If you're an immigrant bodybuilder who made it to the top of his field through hard work, discipline, and the judicious application of enough steroids to kill a small horse, then you are a Republican. And if you're a serial groper who was befuddled enough to think Nixon was a good idea in 1968 and who somehow earnestly believes that the GOP hasn't moved much further right since the days of Tricky Dick, then you are Arnold Schwarzenegger.
You are a Republican if you believe that global warming is caused by flag burning.
You are a Republican if you think tax breaks should go to the one half of one percent of the wealthiest while Congress votes itself a pay raise and fails to raise a minimum wage that has been stuck at $5.15 for nine years.
You are a Republican if you believe that stem cell research is murder but don’t adopt any of the 400,00 frozen embryos that will be discarded.
You are a Republican if you believe that withholding basic human rights from homosexuals will save the heterosexual America family.
You are a Republican if you believe that 9/11 was caused by Saddam Hussein and Iraqis.
You are a Republican if you believe that the bright line between church and state is no longer a basic tenant of democracy.
You are a Republican if you believe that the federal executive should trump over the other two branches of government.
You are a Republican if you believe that millions of children and elderly should have no health insurance while universal health insurance is the standard of every other western democracy.
You are a Republican if you believe that building more prisons is the best answer to crime and drug use.
You are a Republican if you believe that cheap Mexican labor justifies not controlling our borders.
You are a Republican if you support rampant spending while Social Security is destined to disappear for our children.
You are a Republican if you believe that America is better off today than it was five years ago.