Hmmm…in retrospect, perhaps they should have picked the aardvark. In surprisingly short order, the Vatican conclave chooses conservative enforcer Joseph Ratzinger as the new pope, which likely means trouble ahead for progressive Catholics. Once one of Hitler’s pups (albeit somewhat reluctantly), Pope Benedict XVI, a.k.a. “God’s Rottweiler,” has spent his career railing against “the dictatorship of relativism” and acting as a divider, not a uniter…and he’s shown he’s not above moonlighting as one of Dubya’s hounds if need be. On virtually every major issue facing the Church today, Benedict XVI stands firmly on the side of the fourteenth century, and his ascension to the papacy seems to herald an era of retrograde retrenchment for the Vatican. Boo hiss.
Month: April 2005
Opus Dei & the Octopus.
First up on Benedict XVI’s agenda: Smiting down the forthcoming Da Vinci Code film, which, along with Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, and Jean Reno, now also includes Alfred Molina and Sir Ian McKellen as “Bishop Arigarosa” and “Sir Teabing” respectively. I haven’t read the book, so I have no idea if this is good casting or not…but adding quality like Molina and McKellen can’t be a bad thing.
New from Hasbro!!
Three new Episode III TV spots aimed at kids show up online. If you find yourself with high hopes for this final installment, these should help recalibrate your expectations to accord with the other two prequels.
The Eyes Have It.
“If the andro that helped McGwire hit 70 home runs in 1998 was an unnatural, game-altering enhancement, what about his high-powered contact lenses? ‘Natural’ vision is 20/20. McGwire’s custom-designed lenses improved his vision to 20/10, which means he could see at a distance of 20 feet what a person with normal, healthy vision could see at 10 feet. Think what a difference that makes in hitting a fastball. Imagine how many games those lenses altered.” Drop the juice for a sec — Slate‘s Will Saletan wonders aloud if optical enhancements also constitute cheating in baseball, football, and golf.
Information Adjustments.
More troubling information piles up about John Bolton, Dubya’s dubious UN pick — Apparently, along with trying to spike the careers of analysts who talk back to him, Bolton has been blocking the flow of important information to Dubya’s Secretaries of State. It’s gotten to the point where Chuck Hagel (R-NE), one of the more rational Republicans in the Senate, has begun to voice his doubts about the candidate, although he still plans to vote for him tomorrow.
Dead Men Tell Some Tales.
Can’t tell a hooplehead from a squarehead? What are you, from Yankton? Well, this establishment here can at least help you separate fact from fiction on HBO’s Deadwood. Some spoilers to be had, if the writers keep following the basic history of the town. (Courtesy of the formidable proprietors of Triptych Cryptic.)
I’m Super, Thanks for Asking.
While Superman director Bryan Singer flies to the aid of Peter Jackson, son of Krypton Brandon Routh emerges as Clark Kent in the streets of “Metropolis,” as does Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane.
Rock of Ages.
The new trailer for Ridley Scott’s Crusader-pic Kingdom of Heaven is now online, and while it looks nice enough, I have to concur with the AICN guys: It’s hard to take the movie seriously with the goofy college-metal in the background.
Being Stanley Kubrick.
Also in today’s trailer bin, a french site premieres the trailer for Color Me Kubrick, with John Malkovich in the true story of a directorial impostor.
Strangelove.
New Line and LotR producer Mark Ordesky hire scribe Christopher Hampton (Dangerous Liaisons, The Quiet American) to pen the screenplay for Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. How this fellow, barely a novitiate in the Magickal Arts, (or for that matter anyone but the esteemed and learned Mr. Norrell) could do this remarkable tome justice is quite beyond me.