Month: July 2004

A word about values, from the 3-DUI Ticket.

In his first riposte against his new Dem adversary, Dubya questions Edwards’s qualifications for the Presidency. Good God, man, we let you take the position (although admittedly it did take some prodding by the Supreme Court.) For the Dems’ part, Kerry had a pretty solid response: “He was right that Dick Cheney was ready to take over on Day One, and did, and he has been ever since, folks.“

Apparently, the Bushies are also keying in on “shared values” as their answer to the threat of Kerry-Edwards. Shared values? Puh-leeze. Playing bait-and-switch on the American people? Wading neck deep in corporate cronyism? Handing the rich tax-cut candy at the expense of everyone else? Those ain’t my values, bub.

Two-Minutes Fear.



Aigh! Attack, attack! No, we don’t know when. No, we don’t know where. No, we’re not raising the threat level. No, we’re not sorry we let Osama slip away so we could dink around Iraq. Just be afraid, and, remember, the terrorists want to “disrupt the democratic process” and make you vote Kerry-Edwards. You have been warned. Good day.

Kobespiracy Theory.

As NBA teams around the league rush to SoCal to prostrate themselves before Kobe, ESPN columnist Frank Hughes wonders aloud about Bryant’s rumored interest in the Denver Nuggets. “Could it be that [Denver GM Kiki] Vandeweghe, in his attempt to garner positive public relations for his own organization…has unwittingly contaminated a potential jury pool of Bryant’s ‘peers?’ Could it be that Bryant, whether intentionally or unintentionally, either on the advice of his lawyers, agent or neither, is playing a card that may have desired affects [sic] beyond the basketball court?” Hmm. That sounds entirely too conspiratorial to me. But, then again, there’s a reason Team Kobe gets paid the big bucks…

Top of the Food Chain.

Kenny Boy, Your pants, your pants are falling. Ken Lay, former Enron CEO and Bush’s prime corporate sponsor, is indicted on 11 counts of fraud. Says Lay’s lawyer, “Obviously, Andy [Fastow] and his group were not telling the boss that they were stealing from Enron. That’s as obvious as can be . . . It was done by stealth and deceit and of course, in a company as big as Enron, you have to trust someone and obviously trust was placed in the wrong place.” Ok, then explain why Lay dumped $24 million in Enron stock while telling his employees to buy. Throw the book at him, already. (But, by all means, let him speak his mind first.) Update: Dubya can’t handle the truth.

PSY-OP Symbolism.

Is there any aspect of the Iraq war that holds up to scrutiny? As the LA Times reports, the famous toppling of Saddam’s statue, probably the high point of the whole excursion notwithstanding Saddam’s capture, apparently didn’t happen as advertised either. “It was a Marine colonel — not joyous Iraqi civilians, as was widely assumed from the TV images — who decided to topple the statue, the Army report said. And it was a quick-thinking Army psychological operations team that made it appear to be a spontaneous Iraqi undertaking…Ultimately, a Marine recovery vehicle toppled the statue with a chain, but the effort appeared to be Iraqi-inspired because the psychological team had managed to pack the vehicle with cheering Iraqi children.” Clever, clever. (Via Rational Enquirer.)

Being There.

In the trailer bin, Geoffrey Rush channels Inspector Clouseau, Dr. Strangelove, and countless others in The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, also featuring Charlize Theron (Britt Ekland), John Lithgow (Blake Edwards), Stanley Tucci (Kubrick), and Emily Watson (Long-Suffering Wife.) Well, it looks like more fun than Shine.

Doubting the Dianoga.

“1. Ignoring the question of how Princess Leia could possibly know where the trash compactor is, or that the vent she blasts open leads to a good hiding place for the rescue crew, why are there vents leading down there at all? Would not vents leading into any garbage-disposal system allow the fetid smell of rotting garbage, spores, molds, etc., to seep up into the rest of the Death Star?” Resolved: The Death Star’s trash compactor makes no sense. (By way of Pop Culture Junk Mail.)

Stormy Weather.

In comic film news, Halle Berry drops out of X3, because, as her agent puts it, Berry’s “an Oscar winner and she wants roles that test her.” Yeah, like Catwoman. She may be replaced by former FF contender Christina Milian. Speaking of which, the same article also announces the current short list for FF casting: Ioan Gruffudd (Lancelot of King Arthur) as Mr. Fantastic (maybe…seems a little too young), Rachel McAdams (The Notebook and Mean Girls, y’all) as Sue Storm (that definitely could work), Chris Evans (Not Another Teen Movie) as the Human Torch (ok, whatever, this could be any young actor), and Michael Chiklis (The Shield) as The Thing (depends on the makeup.) Update: Apparently, 3 of these 4 are now signed, with only Invisible Girl left to cast, and Jessica Alba’s making a run for it.

Also regarding X3, will Jessica Simpson play Dazzler? Well, it might work as a Colossus-type cameo. I can think of at least two dozen other muties I’d prefer to see as leads, though.