Fan-Tastic 2010.

Like last year, I’ve been something of a lousy NBA fan this season, partly because the Knicks stink and partly because I don’t get MSG anymore anyway. (I was going to plunk down for the NBA League Pass last fall, until I found out the games aren’t shown in HD ’round here. Not much point in that.) In any event, tradition is tradition, and since the first game’s already started, I should probably get up this year’s playoff picks…

[2000|2001|2002|2003|2004|2005|2006|2007|2008|2009]

The East

Cleveland Cavaliers (1) v. Chicago Bulls (8): Even if the Bulls weren’t down 19 in Game 1 at the moment of this writing, I’d have the Cavs mostly sailing through the first round. King James is not only rested right now — He’s hungry after missing the Finals last year. And while Shaq is nowhere near the force he once was, and I don’t think Antawn Jamison is the consistent second scorer Cleveland needs, this is the best squad LeBron’s gone to war with over his young career. (If they had an automatic 3-point shooter to spread the floor and keep the triple-teams off James, oh my.) Meanwhile, this iteration of the Bulls looks worse than the team that threatened Boston in the first round last year, and are really only in the playoffs because Toronto got sloppy down the stretch. Cleveland in 5.

Orlando Magic (2) v. Charlotte Bobcats (7): On paper, this is a better Orlando team than the one that made the Finals last year. But playoff games aren’t played on paper. And in the real world, I would much rather have last year’s Hedo Turkoglu in my corner than any iteration of Vince Carter, who’s more likely to crumple up under the basket like he’s been gut-shot after a touch foul than gut any team to a much-needed playoff victory. All that being said, Michael Jordan and Larry Brown’s Bobcats are a work in progress, and I don’t see Dwight Howard’s team having much trouble with Captain Jack, Theo Ratliff, and the like. Orlando in 5.

Atlanta Hawks (3) v. Milwaukee Bucks (6): This is a wild-card matchup for me — I don’t think I’ve even seen either of these teams play. But word on the street is early rookie of the year contender Brandon Jennings has been slumping something fierce lately, and Atlanta’s Joe Johnson will be wanting to show off the free agency goods to all the many losers of the LeBron-Bosh-Wade sweepstakes. (See also: Knickerbockers). So I’ll go Atlanta in 5.

Boston Celtics (4) v. Miami Heat (5): I’m not a big fan of Wade, whose game depends a lot on the zebras getting him to the line, or of Miami (residual distaste from the Alonzo Mourning/Tim Hardaway wars — It’s a Knicks thing.) But, with Garnett and Rasheed aging in dog years now, this version of the Celts has looked bad for awhile. The Celts are like the team of Old Guys (Garnett, ‘Sheed) and knuckleheads (Rondo, Nate) you don’t want to play in pick-up — calling ticky-tack stuff while shivving you in the paint, etc. etc. And, with that in mind and since the refs love them some D-wade, I’ll go Miami in 7.

The West

Los Angeles Lakers (1) v. Oklahoma City Thunder (8): The Lakers beat the Supersonics? Well, sort of. Although they haven’t deteriorated as badly as Boston, the title-defending Lake Show has a few screws loose right now also, with Andrew Bynum, as always, touch-and-go. I’m really hoping this series is a coming-out party for Kevin Durant, and Phil Jackson’s most recent head games totally backfire. But, much as I loathe Kobe, I gotta go with the champs in the first round. Lakers in 6.

Dallas Mavericks (2) v. San Antonio Spurs (7): After a decade of dominance, Tim Duncan and the Spurs are finally fading. Meanwhile, Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavericks should still have a chip on their shoulder about getting robbed by the refs in the 2006 Finals. While I expect Tony Parker will be pretty much torching Jason Kidd this series, the Mavs have time on their side. And with Caron Butler and Shawn Marion added to Dallas’ arsenal, they can come at the aging Spurs in waves. Dallas in 7.

Phoenix Suns (3) v. Portland Trailblazers (6): Two fun teams to watch here, and this would’ve been a great series, with a slight edge to Phoenix. But if Brandon Roy can’t play on account of the bum knee, that swings things in the Suns’ direction considerably. I don’t think Steve Nash’s team are good enough to contend for the championship, but they’ll probably dispatch a severely weakened Portland squad pretty handily. Phoenix in 6.

Denver Nuggets (4) v. Utah Jazz (5): After giving away Camby for nothing and shutting down the Iverson experiment, the Nuggets are another team that have probably taken a step back personnel-wise in recent years. Still, if his head is in the right place, I wouldn’t bet against Carmelo in a first-round series, even with coach George Karl sidelined for health reasons. Meanwhile, Deron Williams is a legitimately great point guard and Jerry Sloan is a legitimately great coach. But, as usual, the Jazz have already over-performed to get this far. Denver in 6.

The Rest

Cleveland Cavaliers (1) v. Miami Heat (5): It’s the Batman versus Robin series, as 2006 co-champs Shaq and D-Wade square off against each other. But, let’s be honest: This series is about Superman and, with all due respect to Dwight Howard, King James is gonna roll right over the Heat. Cleveland in 4.

Orlando Magic (2) v. Atlanta Hawks (3): Howard’s no slouch either, of course, and while I still think Vince is Orlando’s weak link, I don’t have enough of a sense of the Hawks to pick them here, and everyone wants to see the Cleveland-Orlando Eastern Finals. Orlando in 6.

Los Angeles Lakers (1) v. Denver Nuggets (4): Kobe returns to the scene of the crime. Part of me kinda wants to knock LA out in the next series, against the Mavs. Denver is a maddening team that never quite plays to their potential, and it’s hard to envision George Karl out-coaching Phil Jackson anytime soon. But, screw it, I’m picking an upset — Don’t let me down, ‘Melo. Denver in 7.

Dallas Mavericks (2) v. Phoenix Suns (3): Used to be my homey, used to be my ace. But there can be only one, and Dirk Nowitzki’s got considerably better back-up than Steve Nash. It should be interesting to see how Shawn Marion plays in this series. Dallas in 5.

EAST FINALS: Cleveland Cavaliers (1) v. Orlando Magic (2): LeBron versus his 2009 nemeses, except now Shaq’s around, and he should have enough left in his tank (not to mention 12 fouls with Big Z) to keep a body on Dwight Howard in the paint. King James will be looking to exact his revenge, and I suspect he’ll be playing out of his mind. And this is where I highly suspect that Vince Carter will pull his folding chair routine at some disastrous point in the clutch. Cleveland in 6.

WEST FINALS: Denver Nuggets (4) v. Dallas Mavericks (2): If Denver does pull off that upset over LA (you heard it here first), I still see them running into a wall against the Mavs. Dallas is hungry and they’re deep. I would even have them beating LA in this spot, although it might take seven games. As it is, Dallas in 5.

FINALS: Cleveland Cavaliers (1) v. Dallas Mavericks (2): Last year, I picked Cleveland over LA just because I couldn’t in good conscience pick the Lake Show. But this year, I’m picking Cleveland because they’re the best team. Speaking as a Knicks fan, I’m thinking it’s probably better for me if the Cavs get knocked out at some point, so that LeBron won’t feel the need to stay in Cleveland for a title defense. But, quite frankly, I don’t see that happening. The Mavs came close once again, but in the end, I’m going Cleveland in 6, for LeBron’s first — of many — rings.

And, hey look, they already won Game 1. Now let’s see how wrong I can be…The NBA, it’s faaaan-tastic!

As for the Knickerbockers…

Well, it was another lousy season…as has been the case since, oh, about 2000 now. In the end, this year’s 33-49 Knicks only garnered ten more wins than last year’s dismal Larry Brown experiment. And, worse, they never lived up to the glimmers of promise at the midterm, going 4-15 after Dolan’s woeful decision to extend Isiah’s contract for two years. True, much of that freefall can be attributed to injuries — Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, Quentin Richardson, and David Lee all went down for a stretch there. And, I will concede, this team does play hard for Isiah, as they never did for Larry Brown. But, even before the IR filled up, the Knicks were terrible on the defensive end. I can’t tell you how many games I watched this year where New York would be down by double digits in the first half thanks to lackadaisical D, make a gritty run in the fourth, and lose by a bucket. (And, for all of Eddy Curry’s improvement this year, the big fella still hasn’t learned to box out.) As opposed to last year’s obvious failure, I guess you could say these Knicks were comfortably mediocre. But, frankly, that’s not good enough. If we’re ever going to be a playoff contender again, we need to play both ends of the floor. And I’m not sure I see that happening with these players…or this coach.

But, this being sports, hope springs eternal. So…any of y’all other teams want to give up a solid defender for Steve Francis’s contract? Anyone? Anyone? We’ll throw in Jerome James while we’re at it…

Dolan’s Land.

“He has one year, one season to do that. At this time next year Isiah will be with us if we can all sit here and say that this team has made significant progress towards its goal of eventually becoming an NBA champion. If we can’t say that, Isiah will not be here.” More post-Larry fallout: The Knicks’ freakshow owner, James Dolan, badmouths Brown and lays down the law with Isiah for next year.

Brownout.

At long last, it’s official: After a nightmare 23-59 season and several weeks of “dead man walking,” Hall of Famer Larry Brown has finally been fired from the Knicks. (In fact, the team isn’t even planning to pay out his contract, although Brown may be able to pay the bills in Charlotte in short order.) Worse still, in his place the team’s woefully inept owner, James Dolan, has — Oh No! — put the even more woefully inept GM, Isiah Thomas, in charge of the bench. Ok, Larry clearly wasn’t meshing with the ghastly hydra-headed line-up of shoot-first, one-dimensional, no-d-playing guards Thomas has constructed…still, I have to think we were probably a better team with him at the Garden. And with Isaiah in charge now, hoo boy. It’s gonna get ugly at MSG next year.

Leisure Suits Larry.

What can Brown do for you? If you’re the Knicks, not much more, it appears. As the playoffs continue apace, owner Jim Dolan appears to be on the verge of firing Larry Brown (and thus eating his $40 million contract.) True, Larry hasn’t worked out at all…but don’t get too excited, fellow Knicks fans: Dolan is apparently thinking of replacing Brown with the fearsome vortex of egregious decision-making that is GM Isaiah Thomas.

Escape from New York.

And, in related news, the Knicks end their thoroughly depressing 23-59 season with a meaningless win over the playoff-bound New Jersey Nets. (Of course, the nightmare won’t fully be over until Chicago uses our possible #1 pick, which it scored in the Curry trade after Isiah Thomas, not the best GM out there, neglected to lottery-protect it.) And now, the post-mortem begins: Larry Brown sounds like he’ll be back for now, which means many of the more recalcitrant Knicks this year (I’m looking at you, “Starbury”) are likely as good as gone. Still, one small bit of consolation for Garden fans this season, courtesy of swingman Jalen Rose: “I put together our roster on ‘NBA Live,’ and we’re pretty good.”

Another Season Nixed.

“Across nearly 50 years, the coaches of the best Knicks teams — Joe Lapchick, Red Holzman, Hubie Brown, Pat Riley, Jeff Van Gundy — sucked every ounce of talent and effort from their troops. They didn’t always win it all, but they emptied the tank in the attempt. When they lost, they lost without disgrace. Even when the Knicks were truly bad, the scent of those years didn’t rival the unbearable stench of this one.” With the Knickerbocker freefall continuing apace, ESPN’s Ken Shouler lays the blame squarely on Larry Brown. Well, when you’re 19-54, there’s a lot of blame to go around.

Frye’s to go.

Yes, sports fans, it can get worse. The woeful 19-47 Knicks lose rookie Channing Frye for the rest of the season to a ligament sprain in his left knee. Since New York was already way out of contention for the playoffs, playing the rookies (Frye, slam-dunk winner Nate Robinson, David Lee) would’ve been the only positive aspect of the remaining games. Sigh…now, it’ll just be Steve Francis and Stephon Marbury endlessly jawing at Larry Brown.

Garden Quagmire.

“And so the Knicks press on into a future roughly as promising as the fate of Iraq. In the near-term, it’s hard to foresee anything but a slide further into anarchy. And no one — not Brown, not Thomas, and not Madison Square Garden chairman James Dolan, who marched into the team’s locker room on Tuesday night and demanded that they start winning (now, there’s a strategy!) — seems to have a plausible exit strategy.” Slate‘s Michael Crowley laments the demise of the New York Knickerbockers under GM Isiah Thomas. Update: Dolan: “Stay the course.” Sound familiar?

St. Francis of Assisti?

As expected, the Knicks have pushed the panic button, acquiring Steve Francis for Trevor Ariza and Penny Hardaway’s contract. Well, we’re not giving up much other than cap flexibility (I like Ariza — he’s a hustle player — but he also makes bad decisions, and hasn’t been gelling under Larry Brown.) Still, how is a backcourt of Marbury and Francis (backed up by Jalen Rose, Jamal Crawford and Nate Robinson) going to work? They’re like five iterations of the same offensively talented, defensively deficient player (5.5 if you count Quentin Richardson), and every one of them needs the ball in their hands to be productive. At any rate, there’s a good bet that the Knicks haven’t finished yet, with Crawford for Theo Ratliff or Darius Miles a distinct possibility. “Crawford even polled the team’s beat writers after Wednesday morning’s shootaround to ask them where they believed he would be headed.“