A Mean Fender Corgi.

“People who play bass with their fingers look like they’re tickling hairy dogs.” And, lo, a meme was born: Because of, y’know, the Internet, Bassists tickling dogs. It’s heartening to see that Daft Punk opted for a traditional K-9.

The Wheel of Pain…for Dogs.

“The Turnspit Dog, 1500-1900 – A dog specifically bred to run on a small wheel in order to turn meat so it would cook evenly. This took both courage, to stand near the fire, and loyalty, to not to eat the roast. Due to the strenuous nature of the work, a pair of dogs would often work in shifts. This most likely led to the proverb ‘every dog has his day.'”

Time to raise Berk’s retirement age? By way of the re-designed Quiddity, which has tons of intriguing posts up at the moment, a curious history of dog-powered engines. “The last illustration displays a very unique, but now extinct, dog called the Turnspit…bred in Britain for hundreds of years to help with cooking and is the original ‘working dog.'”

Pope of the People.

“‘Even them, everyone,’ the pope answered, according to Vatican Radio. ‘We all have the duty to do good,’ he said. ‘Just do good and we’ll find a meeting point,’ the pope said in a hypothetical conversation in which someone told a priest: ‘But I don’t believe. I’m an atheist.'”

Stunning more than a few minds around the world — and breaking strongly from his predecessor — the recently inaugurated Pope Francis tells the faithful that atheists are saved as well, provided they do good works. (Agnostics too, I hope.)

I must say, I’ve been very impressed with Pope Francis so far. From ignoring pomp and circumstance and rejecting material comforts enjoyed by Pope Benedict XVI, to breaking with precedent to bless a guide dog, to washing the feet of a female Muslim prisoner on Maundy Thursday, to castigating “the cult of money” and emphasizing the need to address poverty, Pope Francis has — thus far — seemed closer in spirit to the Nuns on the Bus than the US Conference of Bishops, and a welcome throwback to the more progressive days of Rerum Novarum and Vatican 2.

Simply put, Cerebus and “God’s Rottweiler,” he’s not. Let’s hope it continues.

Commuting – and Evolving – Together.

“As many as 35,000 stray dogs live in Russia’s capital city…Taking the subway is just one of many tactics the strays have come up with for surviving in the manmade wilderness around them. ‘The street is tough and it’s survival of the fittest,’ says Poyarkov. ‘These clever dogs know people much better than people know them.'”

ABC News takes a gander at the subway dogs of Moscow, who, for reasons of survival, seem to have figured out the system better than most tourists. “Moscow’s strays have also been observed obeying traffic lights, says Vereshchagin…Sometimes a pack will send out a smaller, cuter member apparently realizing it will be more successful at begging than its bigger, less attractive counterparts.”

In very related news, a new study finds that, since domestication many moons ago, dogs and humans have been evolving along parallel lines. “The study shows that dogs split from gray wolves about 32,000 years ago, and that since then, domestic dogs’ brains and digestive organs have evolved in ways very similar to the brains and organs of humans…They found both species underwent similar changes in genes responsible for digestion and metabolism, such as genes that code for cholesterol transport.” This must be the reason Berk loves him some gummi candy.

Happy Berk Mitzvah.

Berkeley, GitM’s resident Sheltie-American sidekick and ombudsdog, is thirteen today. [0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.5.] In lieu of pictures, I took this video over the weekend with my phone. Not all that interesting, but it does capture the circling, random barking, and street watching that comprises much of the old man’s day. Happy b-day, little fella.

Doghouse Empire.

In the interstices of the Interwebz between Buscemi Eyes and Grumpy Cat, meet Chuci, the Pekinese-Poodle hybrid that looks strangely like Steve Buscemi. All the news that’s fit to print, y’all.

Sidekicks / Top Dog.

“You don’t snuggle Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris snuggles you. Hard. Like a superhero. If superheros liked snuggles (which they do, but only Chuck Norris is man enough to admit it). Chuck Norris’ foster mom once threw a tennis ball for him, and he brought back three tennis balls. Chuck Norris eats raw hides made from velociraptors in his spare time.”

The world’s coolest hound (and no, I’m not talking about any old affenpinscher) is not on the market. But if you’re looking for a canine companion, you could probably do worse than Chuck Norris. “Chuck Norris understands and approves of occasionally hanging out in a crate to protect the rest of the world from the power of his amazing…Chuck Norris invented the army crawl. Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.”

Screw the Sled. I’ll Drive.

Driving a car actively demonstrates to potential rescue dog adopters that you can teach an old dog new tricks. The dogs have achieved amazing things in eight short weeks of training, which really shows with the right environment just how much potential all dogs from the SPCA have as family pets.”

As if most PetSmart parking lots weren’t crazy enough, an Auckland, New Zealand branch of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has seemingly taught rescue dogs how to drive. What could possibly go wrong?

Attack of the Furry Stomach.

“‘Quite frankly, his behavior is abhorrent,’ said Gardner, who emphasized that Digby does nothing to provide for the Chambers family, subsisting entirely on free handouts. ‘This asshole’s chowing down like he’s in a pie-eating contest. Meanwhile, the nation’s credit rating has been downgraded for the first time in history, and everyone’s fucking job is moving overseas. And he does know we’re fighting a war, too, right? Unbelievable.’“

My favorite Onion piece in a few moons: Pet Eating Like Country Isn’t In Goddamn Recession. “According to reports, the 5-year-old labrador appears callously unswayed by the constant stream of gloomy market forecasts and instead demands greater and greater supplies of dog food, to the point where he must think the Dow Jones industrial average is soaring through the fucking roof or something.“

Four Legs in the Morn, Four Legs at Night.

“‘I think (Pusuke) waited for me to come home,’ the 42-year-old housewife said, adding that she wanted to thank Pusuke for many good memories through the years.” R.I.P. Pusuke, the world’s oldest-living dog, 1985-2011. (Above is the late hound at the ripe young age of 25.)