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The Matrix

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We Create the Worlds of the Dream…

There’s one thing you should know about me. I specialize in a very specific type of security: Subconscious security…” You’re talking about dreams! First, it was Bill and Ted’s Excellent Inception. Then Toy Story 3: Inception and UpCeption. And now it’s a full-fledged — and really, really great — meme: Moviefone collects their Top 10 Inception trailer mash-ups, including Titanic, LotR, The Simpsons, The Matrix, ESB, and The Dark Knight. These just never get old for me.

Twenty-Five for Fanboys.

EW lists the top 25 sci-fi offerings (in tv and film) of the past twenty-five years. Pretty arbitrary, really, but it includes Brazil (at #6), BSG (at #2 — these two should have switched places), Children of Men (#14), Eternal Sunshine (#17 — same problem), Aliens (#9), The Thing (#10), The X-Files (#4), Galaxy Quest (#24), and Blade Runner (#3), so it’s by no means a bad list. (Both Lost and Heroes should be replaced, however.) Just from what’s missing above, you can probably guess #1…can’t you, Mr. Anderson?

Agent Smith, meet Racer X.

Um, ok. The Brothers Wachowski sign on to make Speed Racer, a highly unnecessary reimagining of the old Saturday morning cartoon. So if Chim Chim ends up being an androgynous leather-clad existentialist kung-fu master, you’ll know why.

3.1.

Digital Bits releases the details of a new Matrix trilogy box set. As y’all might remember, I was cautiously positive about Reloaded and really down on Revolutions, but this box set sounds like hella fun. “There will be two audio commentaries for each film – one from philosophers Ken Wilber and Cornel West (who analyze the meanings behind the films), and one from three professional critics who hated all three films (no names given). According to Andy Wachowski, ‘It’s the best idea we’ve ever had. It’s hilarious. They just sit there and rip the s**t out of us for six hours.’”

Attack of the Clone.


UGH. Well, the keyboard just fell to the ground and I lost a really long Matrix: Revolutions review in one errant keystroke. As Neo might say, “Whoa.” So here we go again…Spoilers to follow throughout.

Like most of the fanboy world, I checked out Revolutions on Wednesday and, well, I guess Andrew O’Hehir of Salon might’ve said it best: It “isn’t a terrible movie, but it is a tremendous disappointment.” (Many people I’ve spoken to think that even this proclamation is being charitable.) As y’all may or may not remember, I actually liked The Matrix: Reloaded, and forgave it many of its considerable faults (the interminable first forty minutes in Zion, for example), because I assumed that much of the drier, talkier scenes were necessary for setting the stage for the final installment. And I thought that the Architect scene that closed Reloaded also opened many intriguing doors that promised future mind-bending plot twists in Revolutions.

But, sadly, Revolutions capitalizes on barely any of this promise. Instead the Wachowski, um, siblings give us a closing chapter that is almost breathtaking in its inanity. For one, much of the time spent in Reloaded making the Merovingian (Lambert Wilson), Persephone (Monica Bellucci), and for that matter, the phase-shifting albino twins (“We are getting very aggravated”) decently compelling adversaries seems to have been completely wasted. None of Merv’s existential menace or Persephone’s prophetic allure comes to anything here — instead, they’re used as throwaway devices to set up an exchange in a goofy S&M joint which I suppose is meant to approximate Hell but comes off more like the Prague nightclub in Blade 2. As with the characters, so with the plot twists — Virtually every one of the intriguing questions dropped at the end of Reloaded (multiple Matrices, Neo’s real world powers) are either completely left by the wayside or just accepted by the story — Neo has powers in the Real World now because he does. Hmm, that’s not that interesting. It eventually seems that the only point of the film’s first half-hour (aside from the introduction of karmic programs, which I’ll get to later) is to rectify the Neo-in-a-coma cliffhanger of Reloaded, a cliffhanger that ends up having little or nothing to do with the trilogy’s main arc.

Speaking of the main arc, I’d think even the most rabid Matrix fanatics out there have to admit that almost all of the fanfic endings to Revolutions turned out to be more intriguing and well-thought-out than the real thing. Now I don’t have a problem with the peace treaty aspect of the conclusion – after watching the Animatrix prequels, that seemed almost inevitable. But, as J. Hoberman noted in a mixed-positive review, what we end up with here is one-part Christ allegory (perhaps Mel Gibson should’ve taken the role), one-part Return of the King, with Neo and Trinity rushing to Mordor before the White City falls. There are no interesting permutations to this formula along the way, no Matrix-like plot twist to take the film up a notch — instead Revolutions just grinds along inexorably to its rote conclusion. It would’ve been well nigh impossible for the Wachowskis to match the shock of Neo’s pod awakening in the first Matrix, but I think they could’ve approximated something along the lines of the Architect scene if they’d just tried a little harder.

Moreover, Revolutions as written fails to engage us in the characters we’ve been following along the way. One of the main three is reduced to little more than a Nien Nunb impression, while another dies (slowly) in what amounts basically to a Keymaker-like chauffeuring mission. Instead, we spend most of the movie watching the exploits of a Zion filled with uninvolving stock character tropes — the can-do kid, the grizzled sergeant, the take-no-guff officer, the scrappy girlfriend — take your pick. Frankly, the Wachowskis should be ashamed at the depths of cliche wallowed in here, in both the dialogue and the characters. Just grisly stuff.

So why, after all these issues, am I still giving Reloaded a 2-star (6/10) review? Well, for one, I guess I am a sucker for big sci-fi spectacle, and the Zion invasion sequence does undoubtedly make for some compelling eye candy. It’d have been nice if the machines had relied on a variety of military mechs rather than just the ubiquitous Squiddies, but they are kinda creepy, and I did like the moment when they pour out of the dock breach like the blooming of a poisonous rose. And then there’s Agent Smith, who as per usual steals scenes every time he opens his mouth — His scene with the Oracle may be the high point of the film. Hugo Weaving (and Ian Bliss’s wicked Weaving impression) deserve high marks for bringing the type of grade-b, meglomaniacal fun to the table that this ponderous film so often needs (More Joe Pantoliano would’ve benefited both sequels too, I should think.) Alas, the rain battle between Smith and Neo at the end of the film also feels like a bust. It’s never as engaging as their fracas at the end of the first Matrix, and it definitely could have benefited from more Superman stylings (punching through buildings, swinging streetlamps like baseball bats, etc.)


But I’m trying to accentuate the positive here. I did enjoy the Philosophy 102 lectures, even if they also seem inserted in as usual. To add to the existential and behaviorist disquisitions of Reloaded, we now have an emotive program discoursing on karma (also one of the better moments of the film) and Smith making a case for nihilism. You could read Neo’s final fate as representing the necessity of all philosophies to grapple with the inevitability of death, although it seems more pertinent to explain it as simple messiah martyrdom, given all the throwing around of words like “faith” and “belief” through the film. (The kid’s “I believe in Neo!”, for example…ugh.) Actually, trying to interpret the ending of the film brings me to my biggest problem with Revolutions: the movie turned out to be so pedestrian in its execution that it almost undercuts the intellectual legitimacy of the earlier films.

Put another way, while I think David Denby should be taken to task for the ridiculous snobbishness exposed in his Revolutions review (Denby writes that it is “far too late to bemoan the obvious truth that…college-educated gents, and millions of others like them, will spend many hours debating the apocalypse as revealed by the Brothers Wachowski but would die before reading a single story by Chekhov or Cheever dealing with the sensual and spiritual quandaries of ordinary people“), the film does suggest that much of the philosophical ruminations on the meaning of the Matrix trilogy may have been misplaced when the writer-directors are so glib and ham-handed as to finish it off with a mighty dollop of Christ-figure bathos, a sunset, and a little girl.

In sum, while the intriguing but flawed Reloaded suggested that the Wachowskis were going to swing for the fences in the final installment, ultimately it seemed that — action spectacle aside — they were content to settle for a bunt. Boo hiss.

Matrix Kev and Bat Berk.

Hope everyone had a happy Halloween. I didn’t go out this year, but did manage to throw together this Matrix-y look for the day. Pretty lame, I know, but most people got what I was going for after it turned dark and I was still wearing the shades. I also tried once again to get Berk to wear the Batman costume I got him a year ago, but he’s still not having it…I suppose that speaks well of his character.

Free Agents.


The Matrix publicity folks release the Revolutions posters. Very nice, although the goofy tagline – “Everything that has a beginning has an end” – smacks of the quasi-deep philosophizing that almost derailed the last film.

She’s got legs,

and She knows how to use them. The hour is finally at hand…Tomorrow the RotK trailer appears in front of Secondhand Lions (online Monday), and here’s what we’ll see. (Some screencaps here.) Update: Snippets of footage here, including an ethereal and jaw-dropping look at Minas Morgul. Come, Master, come to Smeagol… Update 2: The Wachowskis get in the game with the full Matrix: Revolutions trailer…A sci-fi sorbet before the fanboy main course. Update 3: A bootleg version of the trailer is now available, and it should hold ya until Monday.

Blind man’s bluff.

Another new Matrix: Revolutions ad makes it online, with two more to follow tomorrow. What with the ponderous epic music and all, it takes itself way too seriously as usual…but there is some new and intriguing footage in here. Update: The other two spots are now online, and be warned – they’re starting to get spoilerific.

Slingin’ in the Rain.

Rainy days and Mondays always get Neo down…Coming Soon gets a handful of new Matrix: Revolutions images. Mild spoilers, although there’s not much here that you didn’t see in the trailer.

Here Comes the Bride.

The teaser poster for Kill Bill (pt. I) makes it online. More appealing than the first trailer, at any rate. Also, in movie news, the trailer for Matrix: Revolutions is now available in Quicktime. I haven’t seen it yet, but word is it’s similar to the footage from Enter the Matrix.

Not-so Neo.

By way of Quiddity again, a screenshot comparison of Dark City and The Matrix. I thought the former was overrated and the latter was vastly more enjoyable, but when you put ‘em side by side like this…

Better Living through Death.

Meant to blog this last week but forgot: FPS games increase brainpower. Experienced players of these games are 30 percent to 50 percent better than nonplayers at taking in everything that happens around them…They identify objects in their peripheral vision, perceiving numerous objects without having to count them, switch attention rapidly and track many items at once. Glad to hear my endless logged hours of Day of Defeat have not gone to waste. And considering I rented Enter the Matrix over the weekend and spent an unhealthy amount of time beating it, I must be operating on a Zen plane right now.

Dot Matrices.

More fuel for the Matrix debate: A fanboy site posts the Niobe and Oracle conversation from Enter the Matrix. It might explain a few things, or it might not.

Whoa.

Just in case Keanu was getting too much fanboy goodwill in the wake of Reloaded, Neo talks John Constantine. And since I’m getting 100 hits a day from people searching for “Matrix: Reloaded spoilers” (I presume Tank isn’t one of them), here’s a transcript of the Architect scene at the end of the film.

Matrix 2.0.

So after two viewings of The Matrix: Reloaded, I have to say I liked it quite a bit better than some of the early negativity had suggested (although I’m glad I lowered my expectations.) [BIG SPOILERS TO FOLLOW.] To be sure, the first forty minutes of the film, including everything that takes place in Zion, is almost unwatchable. We’re talking Attack of the Clones bad. What with the ponderous soap opera interludes (especially the Jada Pinkett Smith love triangle, the fresh-faced kid recruit, and Link’s worried homefront wife…please), the big, goofy Bacardi Silver commercial (“Your night just got a lot more interesting”), and the mere sight of Councillor Anthony “Straight to Video” Zerbe strolling around in Federation hand-me-downs (why didn’t they just let Cornel West handle that part?), I could understand why Joey Pants (Cypher) decided to pull a Benedict Arnold in the first film. If I had a choice (which, given half of the lecturing in this film, is an open question, I guess) between wearing my sunglasses at night and styling in the Matrix or being forced to join the Matthew McConaughey memorial drum circle every Friday evening at Zion central, I might just cut a deal with the Man too.

But, right about the time Neo gets a call from the Oracle and reenters the Matrix in Chinatown (right under the hard-to-miss Heineken sign), the film finally starts to find its rhythm. Sure, there’s still a lot of overwrought “check out the big brains on us” grandstanding by the Wachowskis [we get philosophy lessons along the way from both a sleazy French existentialist (the Merovingian) and a perfectionist Freud-like (God)father figure (the Architect)], but if you don’t like a little pop psychology with your kick-ass kung-fu, then why exactly are you in line to see a sequel to The Matrix? Alas, Neo and Trinity still don’t really work as an onscreen couple, but most of the action setpieces are breathtaking (particularly the highway chase and truck fight…in the midst of all the new characters showing up, it’s nice to see the Agents still getting their due.) And as expected, Hugo Weaving is just wicked good fun as Agents Smith…they steal every scene they’re in. Finally, though it took me a second viewing to catch everything that was going on, the final meeting with the Architect made for a nice end-of-film twist that’s more inventive than where I’d originally feared they were going with the storyline (i.e., the “real world” is also part of the Matrix, just like every Freddy Krueger/David Lynch movie you’ve ever seen.) So, despite the egregious first act, I have to say I came out of Reloaded with a smile on my face, and am looking forward to seeing what November’s Revolutions has to offer, starting with this special trailer from the Enter the Matrix game. Hopefully, the third film will see a lot less of As the Zion Turns and a little more of the lovely Monica Bellucci….Silly Neo, don’t you know an upgrade when you see one?

Buggy Upgrade?

Less than 48 hours until The Matrix: Reloaded, and several SPOILER-filled negative reviews are popping up online. So, it looks like some diminished expectations are in order for Wednesday evening. I kinda feared this would be the case after X2 turned out so swimmingly.

The Matrix: Revealed.

What is Richard Corliss thinking? In a spoiler-filled article that’s more synopsis than review, TIME gives away the ending to Reloaded. I haven’t read the entire piece (since I’d rather not know), but scanned enough of it to see Corliss was breaking the plot down point-by-point. I expect this lame behavior in fanboy chatrooms, but in TIME? A bad call and a bad precedent…I hope the magazine – and Corliss – catch some flak for this.

One Hulk, Many Smiths.

In case it doesn’t feel like summer yet, Dark Horizons points the way to yet another Hulk trailer (Mr. Trailer is annoying, but the green guy’s look keeps growing on me) and another spoiler-heavy Matrix: Reloaded ad (although not as egregious as last time.)

Me, Me, Me…

The Matrix: Reloaded gets ever closer with this brand-new TV spot. I warn you – if you’re planning to stay spoiler free, do not watch this ad…I’m not sure how it fits in the film, but I still wish I hadn’t seen the last exchange…I fear it was a bit like seeing the Ents and the charge at Helm’s Deep in the final ad before LOTR:TTT.

In the Summertime.


Entertainment Weekly posts a number of new stills from the upcoming summer cinema crop, including new looks at Reloaded, The Hulk, and a host of others.

Dodge this.

The final trailer for The Matrix Reloaded is now online. And – for the return of Agent(s) Smith if nothing else – it looks like more fun than you can shake a stick at. With two of these, The Hulk, and X2, it looks like we’re headed for a fanboy summer. Speaking of which, isn’t it about time for some quality Return of the King news?

By, the way, I finally caught Final Flight of the Osiris, and while it was ok it definitely wasn’t worth sitting through Dreamcatcher for. Dreamcatcher was basically two and a half hours of being stuck in the last fifty pages of a Stephen King novel. [King starts great stories but all too often (It, The Stand, The Tommyknockers...heck, almost all of 'em) has no idea how to finish them.] I’m not sure how closely the movie followed the book, but it was just all over the place, and it made no sense on many levels. (What exactly is the life-cycle of these creatures?) After forty-five minutes, I was really bored. Can’t say I recommend it, that is unless watching a misshapen-looking Donnie Wahlberg proclaim “I Duddits!” to the heavens is your bag.

I don’t want to see this, Jonesey!

Detective Story, the third web installment of The Animatrix, is now online. Nice to look at, but wooden dialogue and a pointless story make this one rather disappointing. I’ve heard good things about Final Flight of the Osiris, but first I have to steel myself to sit through Dreamcatcher.

Trailer Day.

A veritable plethora of fanboy/girl trailers have hit the web in the past few days. For one, “The Second Renaissance,” the first episode of the Animatrix, has been posted. It’s probably better than almost all of T3. Also, AICN points the way to an extended Hulk trailer and our first look at The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (The site’s down a lot, but you might get lucky…I did.) The latter looks a bit disappointing, but my hopes for LXG are at Daredevil levels right now anyway (although DD is actually getting surprisingly good reviews.) Update: The LXG trailer is now available here.

Welcome Back, Mr. Anderson.

During a 48-21 Tampa Bay blowout which never really got off the ground in terms of excitement, The Matrix sequels delivered the goods with this great new trailer. With the possible exception of Terry Tate, Office Linebacker (and I liked the Yao-Yo bit too), it was the highlight of the evening.

It’s that time of year.


Return of the King isn’t the only film releasing stills early. Sony, Universal, and Warner Brothers have all recently released their 2003 promo packets, which include pics from such forthcoming films as The Matrix: Revolutions and The Coens’ Intolerable Cruelty. At right, we have Kate Beckinsale in Underworld, a vampires vs. werewolves West Side Story update (no singing, though.) Think she’s seen The Matrix (or Alias, for that matter)?

Down the Rabbit Hole.

Newsweek gets spoilerific with the two Matrix sequels. More plot information than you really want to know.

Books, Bagginses, Belluccis.


A slew of teaser posters for long-awaited flicks have hit the web in the past few days, included the one-sheet for Adaptation, four more character-oriented TTT posters, and this first look at the lovely Monica Bellucci as Persephone in the Matrix sequels. (Notice her head isn’t cut off as in the first six preview posters…as it turns out full versions of each of them can be seen at the official site.)

Leather and Claws.

Several images from two sequels eagerly awaited by the fanboy nation come to light: Matrix: Reloaded and X2.

Whoa.

Matrix spoilers a-plenty. Don’t read if you don’t wanna know…I mean it.

Omsbudsdog Emeritus

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