Spider-Pigs and Bumblebee Men.

In a world where small towns such as the sleepy haven of Springfield can be threatened by mystifying unseen forces and the desperate actions of President Schwarzenegger (um, shouldn’t that be President Wolfcastle?), it’s up to one typical small-town American family (and spider-pig) to rise to the occasion… Yep, you guessed it: the new trailer for The Simpsons movie is now online.

Mama said you’d be the chosen one.

Making the rounds today, Hillary (and Bill) Clinton — enjoying a bounce in the polls (as is Fred Thompson on the GOP side) — hamhandedly riff on The Sopranos finale (with the aid of Johnny Sack) to announce the new Clinton campaign song, (ugh) Celine Dion’s “You and I.” Celine Dion? There’s yet another good reason to support Obama or Edwards in this primary contest.

Straight Outta Springfield | Pegg Legs It.

In the trailer bin today, Homer and family are ready for their close-up in the third preview for The Simpsons Movie, due out this summer. And Shaun of the Dead/Hot Fuzz‘s Simon Pegg embarks on a ruthless fitness regime, tiny shorts and all, in the new You-tubed teaser for Run, Fatboy, Run.

Slaughter, Infidelity, Donuts.

In the movie bin, Homer J. Simpson gets stuck between a rock (Iraq?) and a hard place in the trailer for The (long-awaited) Simpsons Movie; Edward Norton (brandishing a surprisingly lousy accent) and Naomi Watts struggle with a loveless marriage by way of W. Somerset Maugham in the trailer for The Painted Veil (also with Liev Schrieber, Toby Jones, and the always lovely Dame Diana Rigg); and Wilbur the pig picks up a “spin” doctor with a way with words in a new Internet-only teaser for Charlotte’s Web (Between Julia and Buscemi, it seems like the voice-work is going to be really distracting.)

Thems Kinfolk!

Kevin Bacon Game alert: The TNT midnight movie after Thursday’s NBA marquee match-up of Dallas versus San Antonio — it’s on in the background right now — is Next of Kin (1989), a rednecks-versus-the-mob Patrick Swayze vehicle that’s surprisingly chock-full of stars. Husband to Helen Hunt and brother to Cletus-ish psycho Liam Neeson, Swayze’s a cop out to discover who killed his other brother, Bill Paxton. And whodunnit? Mob thugs Adam Baldwin and Ben Stiller in the opening moments, both of whom report to mafiosi Andreas Katsulas (R.I.P.) and Del Close. Swayze notwithstanding, I wonder if this is on any of their resumes these days.

Freedom of…D’oh!

Here’s a depressing civics poll: While one in five Americans (22%, doesn’t that seem low?) could name the five members of the Simpsons family (Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie…but you knew that), only 1 in 1000 could name the five rights protected in the First Amendment (religion, speech, press, assembly, petition), and only a measly 8% could name even three of them. I got all five in both, but, then again, in the inimitable words of Marge Simpson: “Don’t make fun of grad students, Bart. They just made a poor life decision.

Mr. Burns & Mr. Brent.

“He caught our tone exactly, and then added his own Ricky Gervais/David Brent patheticness.” By way of Plasticbag, The Office and Extras mastermind Ricky Gervais has written and will star in a forthcoming Simpsons episode, and Matt Groening wants more. “[Gervais] moves into The Simpson household with Marge as the family take part in an episode of Wife Swap, while Homer moves in with his wife.”