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Beckinsale Bites.

So as membership dues for the fanboy nation, I went to go see Len Wiseman’s Underworld last night…woo boy. Kate Beckinsale literally vamping in a tight-fitting leather catsuit — what’s to screw up, right? A lot, apparently. The lack of imagination that went into this flick is embarrassing. Instead of playing with their own founding conceit of vampires vs. werewolves, the movie just happily, stupidly rides along in its faux-Matrix groove. The lycans don’t find any inventive uses for garlic, crosses, or wooden stakes – they just shoot ridiculous amounts of tricked-up ammo at the bloodsuckers, and vice versa. There’s entirely too many laugh-out-loud moments and most of the film makes no sense. Characters keep getting shot with the same weaponry to different effect (Does silver heal, kill, wound, or what?) And then there’s this fellow Shane Brolly — who plays Kraven, nominal head of the vampires until an elder awakens — who may just be the worst actor I’ve ever seen in a major motion picture. (The problem might have been the American accent – I got the sense it wasn’t his.) At any rate, I had grievously low expectations for this flick, and they were not met. To make the obligatory vampire pun, Underworld sucked.

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