Death-Dealing.

I know conservatives think free markets solve everything, but this is ridiculous. The Pentagon creates a futures market for terrorism in order to better predict possible attacks and assassinations. Um, somebody might want to tell the brass that these are basically called Dead Pools, and have been around for years now. Update: Well, that’s that, then.

Internecine Warfare.

As Dean scores another Internet coup and looks even more competitive in New Hampshire, the DLC tries to scare the left into submission with polls suggesting a mass defection of white males (veterans notwithstanding, I presume.) Perhaps it should be noted that Mark Penn is currently working for the Lieberman campaign. In related news, Jonathans Chait and Cohn debate Dean’s effect on the race in TNR. And, finally, John Edwards announces his health care plan in New Hampshire in Clintonesque fashion. (Veteran link via Follow Me Here.)

Breeding Shock Troops.

“‘How am I a closet Democrat? I’m racist, I love guns and I hate welfare.'” Michelle Goldberg of Salon checks out the college Republican convention in DC, and discovers many of the attendees to be exactly the bitter, troubled, pugnacious, and ignorant children you might expect (and as the study suggests.) “I’m a Republican because liberals make me sick,” says one deluded soul, for example, “I don’t like whiny people and tree-huggers.” (He then proceeds to whine incessantly about how affirmative action and taxes screwed him over.) Meanwhile, the “adults” at the convention spend their time fostering this hate in the name of the almighty buck. “Gene McDonald, who sold ‘No Muslims = No Terrorists’ bumper stickers at the Conservative Political Action Conference in January, was doing a brisk trade in ‘Bring Back the Blacklist’ T-shirts, mugs and mouse pads.” Scary stuff.

Avast!

For those of you desiring more creaky ships and cannon broadsides in the wake of Pirates of the Caribbean, the trailer for Master and Commander is now online. Speaking of Pirates, its success has helped make Johnny Depp the frontrunner for Tim Burton’s Willy Wonka remake. (Michael Keaton, another Burton favorite, had been previously rumored as the lead.) I say, if you’re going to do it, Depp’s the best bet.

Ballad of a Thin Man.

So I went down to the Angelika yesterday afternoon (always a strange experience – you can hear and feel the subway running under you during films) to catch Masked and Anonymous and, well, I can only recommend this film to two types of people: Hard-core Dylanologists, and those cinema completists who need to see Ed Harris in blackface. I consider myself a pretty heavy-duty Dylan fan, and even I was a bit bored at certain points. The movie is basically Dylan’s version of Waking Life, or what might happen if Bob had entered his own portal a la Being John Malkovich. All of the characters in the film speak in Dylanistic soliloquys (You actually get a very good sense of this from the website), and thus you end up with Giovanni Ribisi’s disquisition on war, Val Kilmer’s take on animals, etc. The movie takes place in a strange alternate present, where (I’m guessing) the revolutions of the Sixties went sour and ended up tearing the nation apart. Dylan’s dad seems to be the ailing leader of the Bearflag Republic or something, and…well, there’s no point in trying to explain it.

The movie is basically an extended riff on Dylan and Dylania…at (brief) moments it has the scope and absurdist grandeur of “Desolation Row,” “Idiot Wind,” or “It’s Alright Ma.” And some of the renditions of Dylan’s music, from the new “One More Cup of Coffee” to the acapella “The Times, They Are a Changin’” are truly beautiful. Most of the time, however, it fails to capture Dylan’s spark, and comes off flat and, well, embarrassing (particularly in some of the more questionable racial choices.) I think the extended monologues on life, death, and humanity are meant to have you dwell on the fundamental questions, but as the movie wore on I found myself contemplating altogether different queries: Did Chris Penn eat one of the Baldwins? Who would win in a caged deathmatch between Penelope Cruz and Audrey Tautou? Who knew it would end so badly between Walter and the Dude? When did Mickey Rourke turn into Billy Bob Thornton? So on, so on. I guess I’d recommend that Dylan fans see this film (particularly if you’ve sat through Renaldo & Clara), just to see where our man is at these days. (In fact, some Dylan fans seem to love it.) All in all, though, I can’t say I recommend the film as a film.

On another note, in the two hours I had to kill between this movie and seeing a friend’s (very good) band at the Baggot Inn, I stumbled upon a huge line at Tower Records, dutifully waiting to get Dave Gahan‘s signature. Times change, I guess. Ten years ago, I probably would have staked out this line with a handful of vinyl 12″ DM singles. Nowadays, I just skipped it in favor of Forbidden Planet and The Strand. Must be getting old.