He can't get no relief.

"'Our nation finds itself in uncharted territory in the deep emptiness of space,' Obama announced. 'The Old Girl has limited supplies, no allies, and now, no hope. I never said this would be an easy journey. Yet I promise you this: There is a place where there is no war and no economic turmoil. It is where, according to the Sacred Scrolls handed down to us by the Lords of Kobol, the thirteenth tribe traveled over three thousand years ago. That place is called Earth. Not the other Earth. This Earth. It's complicated. Anyway, I plan to take us there.'"

Businessmen, they drink his wine: By way of my sis, word from The Onion is that President Obama has been depressed and distant ever since the BSG finale. "'I'm a little concerned,' first lady Michelle Obama was overheard saying at a fundraising event Tuesday. 'When Firefly was canceled, he walked around like a zombie for a week, and Serenity was the only thing that snapped him out of it.'"