Swift Boat Vets for Diesel.

As November 2 nears, the rhetoric and name-calling continues to heat up between these two increasingly irate contenders, particularly on the controversial questions surrounding their past records of service. I am, of course referring to Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant. "Even with wings you never as fly as me ... you remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me ... but you can't ... even if you get me traded ... wherever I'm at, I'm Puffy; you Mase and you're still hated" contests the recently-slimmed down Shaq on his new (and, um, probably not-so-good) hip-hop CD. In a related story, Vice-President Cheney declared today that, if you root for the Miami Heat, the terrorists will kill you.